True Life...

I'm a COVID bride.

I got engaged in December of 2018 and almost immediately started planning my wedding. I knew that I wanted to get married in the summer (away from major holidays and milestones) and summer 2019 just wasn't enough time. My fiance and I decided on July 2020. 

Throughout the planning process, I hit some personal hurdles, but like so many, 2020 was supposed to be my year. It gave me so much to look forward to from girls trips to my wedding to just "publicly poppin" in general. However, news of the Corona virus started to spread. I tried to be optimistic at first, thinking I would only have to push back a few dates maybe but my wedding would go off without a hitch. It was supposed to be this opportunity to blend friends and family to celebrate love and coming together as one. 

As time went on, things just continued to become more and more uncertain. Add on top of that cancellations and social injustice that directly, and has always, affected the black community and the emotions and stressors just pile up. I'm not someone who outwardly expresses my emotions, especially ones that make me feel vulnerable but let me set the scene. The bright shiny moment that some girls dream about and look forward to their whole lives has now been distorted and clouded by so many negative and crazy emotions. It is a lot! To my ladies in the same position, I feel you and I'm here.

I say all of this to say, check on your strong friends, your bride friends, your friends who deal with mental health issues even if you don't know about them. There is a lot going on in the world and add on the stress of wedding planning and it can become extremely overwhelming.. Sometimes a "thinking about you" text can go a long way! And remember to take moments to unplug and refresh yourself. You can't help another if you can't help yourself.

Some ways that I have been trying to decompress are:

Gardening: My next post was supposed to be about being a #plantmom, but this one felt better. Gardening gives me some routine and something to look forward to. You feel a since of pride knowing that you can keep a living thing alive and nourish it to grow. You all met Moana in the previous post but since then my "garden" has grown a lot! Below are a few.

Sketching: I used to sketch a lot in college and even when I was younger. It comes in waves but the quiet concentration calms me. I also find joy in art and have been looking to expand my collection.

Running/Walking: I hate running! I'm not suggesting that you start signing up for marathons if that's not your thing but again it is a moment to unplug. You can tune out the world and clear your mind. Also, exercise in general helps boost your mood by releasing endorphins so get moving.

Meditation & Sound Baths: Last year, I experienced my first panic or anxiety attack. I'm not sure which one it was but as I said, last year was a rough one even though I had some pretty major wins. I downloaded the Headspace app first to just help with breathing and clearing my mind. Then if you follow Karrueche on IG you know she started doing sound baths on her live on Sundays. I tried one and loved it. It may not be for everyone but it has helped me. @ananetanel is my current fav for a good sound bath and there are a ton of apps for meditation.

Writing: Sometimes you just need to get the thoughts out. I started blogging again. I also just write out my thoughts when it gets too much. I've seen on IG that you take like 10 minutes to write your thoughts down, don't read it and just burn the paper it will release it. I haven't tried it but I would assume it is helpful to clear the air.

Connection: Even though we have been social distancing just having the support of a friend can be amazing. My biggest support through this time has been my good friend and line sister Lauren! We talk and vent and catch up like we would normally do but via FaceTime. She's also a 2020 bride and I hope I have been as big a support to her as she's been to me. Sidebar: if you like travel or are interested in law check out her blog/instagram @legalandabroad. She goes to the most beautiful places!

What ways have you been coping with the changes in the world? Whether you are a bride or not, your suggestions could be helpful to someone else.

P.S. I will still be getting married this year because after all it is more about the marriage than the wedding! It just looks completely different from what I envisioned.